A little heart to heart

Dear Summer,

It seems you are an overachiever. You take your job way too seriously. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you really need to stop. We get it. You wanted to break records. You succeeded. Why must you continue on this rampage when you already achieved success way back in July? Yes, yes, I know I whined all winter waiting for your arrival. But I was hoping for the old you. The new you is too harsh. Just give it up. And when you go, please take the humidity with you; the two of you have conspired to add 12-16 degrees to the weather via the heat index. [Sigh.] I do love you summer. But somehow we've got to figure out a better way to work together.

It's not just me. Little babies are wearing watermelons to beat the heat. Did you HEAR ME summer?! Babies are WEARING watermelons. (Click here to see them.)

Furthermore, it has come to my attention that a lot of people walk around inside their homes in their underwear to keep cool. That's fine (kind of weird really) as long as no one can see inside their homes. But I can see inside about 30 homes in the building across from me, and when they walk out on their balconies it is hard to ignore. Summer, this is too much for me to bear. I don't want those images seared into my brain. No pun intended.

I can't take it anymore summer. So, you know, stop.

Please.

Told ya

As I mentioned before, I'm in the middle of nowhere this week. Sitting on the roof staring at other bored people becomes a weak form of entertainment. There is nothing else to do. There is no coffee, no good restaurant, no public transportation, no TV, no anything. Why am I here? This is a question I have asked myself the last few days. Supposedly there is a good answer to that question, but I'm not feeling it at the moment.

It's old, dull, tropical and monsoony here. And I'm stranded, which is frankly the worst part of it. I'd love to find a taxi or ride an e-bike and go in search of real civilization.

 I can't remember the last time I was this bored, but I think it was sometime in the 70s.

From point A to point B

Public transportation:

• Pick-pocket Paradise
• Germ Laboratory
• Claustrophic's Purgatory
• Nightmare on Wheels
• Clothes Dirtifier*  

(*I can make up words if I want to. And I want to.)

When shopping isn't fun

Shopping is fun in America, but not so much here.

First, let's consider my transportation options. Buses are out. You can't carry many groceries on a crowded bus, nor can you carry them from the bus stop back to your home. 

Taxis are hard to find most of the time, so they are not reliable. Imagine buying 3-4 humongous heavy bags of groceries, then standing by the side of the road unable to flag down a taxi. It is not an enviable position to be in. Trust me. Been there.

Bicycles don't hold much. They also don't do well on hills.

Fortunately, I have my very own e-bike that holds more, and is more reliable than a taxi (see photo above).

In the winter, the e-bike is miserable to ride. You kick up a wind that doubles as a self-inflicted wind-chill factor. Don't even get me started on RAINY SEASON, which is all the time here in Seattle Bamboo Forest. Sometimes it is better to do without groceries. Starve or whatever if you must.

You definitely should not buy toilet paper or other bulky items that will not fit on the e-bike. If you are lucky, there will be a tiny convenience store much closer to your home that will sell it. I buy Diet Cokes and toilet paper at a nearby convenience store. Yep, I get weird looks, as if they think those are the only two items a foreign girl needs.

There is no payment by foreign credit card or check at the grocery store, just cash. So be sure to stand in line at the ATM for half an hour before going in to buy groceries. 


While in line, pray that the over-eager fraud protection banker in America bucking for a promotion hasn't put a freeze on your account because he/she thinks your credit card was stolen by some Asian gang and taken from East Texas to Asia and you haven't noticed. If that happens, you won't get money from the ATM, you won't buy groceries that day, and you'll have to return home where you probably won't be able to get a long-distance connection to a real person at the bank who can unfreeze your account. Pray you have friends who can feed you for a few days in this case.

As you go back to your apartment after buying groceries, your e-bike will be stacked like Granny Clampett sitting atop a moving truck in her rocking chair (see photo above). You will walk bow-legged for 3-4 days, but don't worry, those legs of yours will certainly straighten out in time for your next trip to the store!

Inside the store, I kid you not, is a circus. People ram their grocery carts into your backside and seriously think nothing of it. If you get frustrated with this, just bump your cart back into them...they won't even turn around to glare at you. They won't even notice! Not that I would do that or anything. It's a bumper car free-for-all in these crowded Super-Wal-Mart-like stores. When I first moved to Bamboo Forest (where it is the WORST), I used to come back from grocery shopping so rattled that I had to take a nap for an hour or two to decompress from the stress. Yeah, I know I'm from Texas and all, but that is no exaggeration. I don't suffer now as much as I used to, but I think it's because I go in with very low expectations, sedatives and no other appointments for the rest of the day. :-)

Ten years ago, shopping was cheap here, but not any more. Except for vegetables at the outdoor market, I pay as much or more for things than you do in America. I'm just glad that the sales tax is already included in the price, and is not added on at the cash register here. Here you know exactly how much you're going to have to pay.

When I go back to America, I don't even know how to act when I go shopping. I suspect some re-calibration will be required so I won't resort to the aggressive survival tactics I've learned here. But if you think you see me ram my grocery cart into someone at Wal-Mart when I'm in the USA this summer, please do not assume it is me, because it is probably just my evil twin that was separated from me at birth. 'Cause I don't do that.

Dull

My mind is as dull as the grey skies outside. Day after day, I look out my big picture window and see wet-slicked pavement, bike riders wearing bright-colored raincoats and pedestrians carrying umbrellas. The elderly who usually play cards at the park downstairs are probably sitting at home, watching TV, bored out of their minds.

I want to be busy, check a bunch of work assignments off my to-do list, update my blog, finally answer long-unanswered emails or go out to meet new people. But I am overcome with rain-induced dullness.

On a dry day, it could take up to half an hour to get a taxi. On a rainy day, taxis are all full. I could stand outside an hour in the cold rain and still not flag one down.

I could take a bus, but it also requires long waiting times, only to get on a standing-room only bus next to people whose wet umbrellas and outerwear are pressed against my own. It feels yucky and disgusting.

The last available transportation option is my e-bike. I could don a brightly-colored rain poncho, but when I got to my destination, I would have to fold up the wet plastic, stuff it inside a bag, do my errands, unfold the wet thing and put it over my head (and bulky winter coat) again. It's messy.

You've probably got a car. You probably cannot fathom the lifestyle of someone like me who doesn't have one.

So I stay in, waiting for a break in the weather, jetting out the door the second it stops, hoping it will stop for at least an hour. I need groceries if nothing else.

A few times I went out to coffee shops hoping to meet new people, but the shops were basically empty. No one else wants to get out in this weather either.

I vowed I wouldn’t let the weather slow me down this winter. I am still trying to fight against failure. The next two weeks' forecast shows more rain, so I'm going to make an effort to overcome the dull days of winter in the Middle Kingdom.

Activities for a cold, rainy day

I went to the Marvel Comic book website and made myself into a comic Super Hero. I did it for a team-building project (i.e., I kinda had to do it...I can't see myself doing this for any other reason). What do you think? Do I look fashionable and scary?

You can go there too -- it's fast and free:

http://marvel.com/games/play/31/create_your_own_superhero

You get to choose your hair color, clothes, weapons, etc. but not your age, skin elasticity or body shape. So if it doesn't look true to my age, it isn't my fault. If you decide to make yourself into a Super Hero, send it to me so I can see! 

A word to February

A bike rider wearing a bright pink raincoat rolls down the bike lane
on a rainy day in February. Photo taken from my balcony.

It's dark outside, but the sshhhhhhsh-ing sound of tires pressing down on the wet pavement wakes me. I listening carefully, but the only other sound I hear is Mimi softly snoring at the foot of the bed. The usual noisy early-morning exercise routines at the park downstairs are not happening today. It is raining. Again.

February, you once again have failed to impress me. Your cloak of clouds, fog and rain are getting monotonous. If you could just intersperse your days with a bit of sunshine here and there, we could be friends. You are a stubborn month.

I just want to ride my e-bike without having to wear the big colorful raincoat and carrying a towel. I want to ride a bus without other people's wet umbrellas and clothes pressing up against me. I would like to flag down an empty taxi, which are never available during the rain. I want to take Mimi for a walk without having to wash the mud off her feet every time we return to my apartment. I just want to get out and buy groceries, pay my bills, visit friends, take photos, and have something interesting to talk about for my blog!

But no! The murky month of February taunts me with 29 blocks on the calendar this year, 29 chances to rain instead of the usual 28. The barometric pressure is weighing me down.

I just need a little ray of sunshine to cure whatever ails me! J

P.S. On the positive side, I'm glad we aren't suffering through a drought!

The Eve before Chinese New Year's Eve

It's Saturday, and two days from now is Chinese New Year, and I'm here in the middle of it all to give you consistent cynical updates on all the holiday craziness!

Let's talk cleanliness. Everyone is doing "spring cleaning" this week, although the forecast is for snow and so the name is a bit off the mark. Chinese all clean their homes prior to the new year, and are forbidden by tradition to doing any cleaning on new year's day (they don't want to wash or sweep away their good fortune). China, unlike Japan, is not particularly known for its cleanliness. For some, it is the only time during the year that the home is thoroughly cleaned. I'm not one to judge. Every time I clean the house, Mimi sits by the front door to wait for whomever is coming over. 'Cause, according to her pea-sized yet accurate brain, I surely wouldn't be cleaning the house unless company was coming over.

Shopping is a huge big deal in the Middle Kingdom this week too. Case in point -- I went to the superstore day before yesterday and got rammed in the backside by innumerable grocery carts. It's kind of like they want to nudge you along, so as if you were some sort of bumper car, they just really and truly on purpose push their metal grocery cart into your backside! And, you know, most of the backsides over here are not well-padded, so getting one rammed by a metallic 4-wheeled vehicle hurts! If you turn around in annoyance and look the offender in the eye, they are appalled and embarrassed. They don't mean it as anything personal. They just want you to get out of their way so they can get out of the store so they can get home and clean house. And this is the way to do it. If this was America, people would be pulling out their cell phones and calling 911 to report bodily assault. But this isn't America, so we just deal with it the best we can. Sedatives.

(I'm pretending like the bumper car shopping experience only happens on CNY. But it happens almost every day of the week, year round, and I absolutely refuse to enter those stores on weekends when they are most crowded. I do not blame the people themselves for the crowding. It's not their fault that they live in the most populous country in the world. Everyone is just trying to survive as best they can.)

They look in my grocery cart to see what I am buying. Usually at that store, here's what they see:

• dog food
• chicken
• ground beef
• bacon

(I buy my other stuff at less crowded market areas.)

They go grocery shopping every couple of days, and certainly assume I do too, so they look at the six-week's supply or dog food/bacon/chicken/etc. in my basket and think I am going to eat it all in three days and be back for more. They are not in the habit of freezing meat. I am misunderstood. They must think I have a big dog and ten kids that weigh 300 lbs each. But there's not much I can do about the inaccurate conclusions drawn by looking in my basket. I'm sure I draw a few inaccurate conclusions looking at their lives too.

For Chinese New Year, here's what they are buying at the superstore:

• Paper door decorations
• boxed food items to give as gifts when they visit homes of friends and family during the holiday -- think along the lines of fruit cakes.
• Food - they'll make a meal bigger than your Thanksgiving meal, and some grocery stores will be closed for 3-15 days, so they have to stock up.

Frankly, I don't care too much about what they are buying. But many of them are exceedingly interested in what is in my grocery cart. Some don't even try to hide their curiosity, they just bend over until their heads are in my basket where they can more easily scan the contents. So far no one has rifled through the cart with their hands to see what's at the bottom, though I'm pretty sure it wouldn't phase me if they did.

I am relieved that the pressures of the Chinese New Year holiday don't fall upon me as a foreigner. Christmas just ended, and I am not able to survive two major holidays of mammoth proportions within one month.

I am, however, bracing for a few sleepless nights in the coming week. The fireworks have already begun. And E the spectator will be giving you live reports, so check back again soon!

One of them days

A quick run to the grocery store, that's all it was meant to be.

I grabbed my down coat, scarf and gloves, and headed down to the basement to retrieve my e-bike that was being charged in the storage room.

I zoomed over to the nice new grocery store in my neighborhood, which is in the underground floor of a sparkling new mall. And even though it is not common in America for malls to have grocery stores, it is quite the norm here.

The eight-story mall is decorated for Christmas, has Christmas music playing, and is just lovely!

To get from my place to the mall I had to maneuver through the road construction that I've mentioned previously.

I decided to get lots of groceries. After all, I could carry them back home on my e-bike, so it was no trouble. I got big heavy items, like liquid laundry detergent. I put everything into two big recyclable cloth bags, which I estimate to have weighed about 25 pounds each.

After shopping, I went to the other end of the underground floor of the mall to enjoy coffee at the new coffee shop. Ah, it was so relaxing! There's nothing quite like an infusion of hot caffeine on a cold day.

Then I started back to my place on e-bike. I got to the construction part of the road when my e-bike died. I tried to re-start it. The scent of burnt wires wafted through the air. I pushed my e-bike to the side of the road. Fortunately, half a block away was a repair place. After an hour, they had repaired my bike. The repair lasted for about ten feet. I pushed the bike back. They fixed it again. That repair lasted about 20 feet. I pushed the bike back. They couldn't fix it. And I couldn't stay there forever.

There are no buses in this area, and no empty taxi is cruising for passengers in a construction zone. So I had to leave my e-bike there and walk home. I walked about a mile back to my place, carrying about 50 pounds of groceries (it could have even been more, quite seriously).

And I was wearing heels.

Furthermore,  I am not 20 years old anymore and I have a chronic muscle ailment anyway. I'll be better in a day or two, but right now I can't walk or otherwise move without pain.

Oh, and I had an important work document that was due, and since I had hung out at the repair shop all day, I had to stay up half the night to finish my work document.

We all have days like this, huh? It's just one of them days. At least it wasn't raining.

Gonna dig me a hole and crawl into it

Imagine, traffic so atrociously crowded that cars cannot reasonably get through town. The solution? Build a subway system to alleviate traffic! But during the 4 years of construction, the already crowded traffic will be detoured down 2-lane roads and make transportation even a bigger nightmare than it was before a "solution" was hit upon.

Sadly, this is the main road through Bamboo Forest. It has been torn up. And just about every road in town either looks like this or is a crowded detour road for cars trying to avoid the construction.

I have been in Bamboo Forest for three years now, and it has pretty much looked like this the whole time I have been living here -- in fact, it is getting worse! Getting across town is almost impossible. Trauma comes to those who try. It seems it will never end. Someday, presumably, we'll have a lovely subway system and all the annoyance will fade into our memories. But for now, we have chaos, mayhem and short-circuited nerves.

This is another view of the main road.

Will it ever end?