May I have a word with you?

Dear China,

I have an idea. How ‘bout you put bigger kitchens in your homes? The ones you have now are way too small.

Let me first start off by complimenting your kitcheny stuff though.

I do love the fact that your kitchens have gas burners, a necessity for making excellent Chinese food. Even though there are only two burners (and no oven) in the entire kitchen, I can live with that. For awhile.

I’m also impressed that of the very few canned goods I can buy in your country, most have pop-the-top lids. Since none of the three can openers I own work (all bought in America), I am grateful that you found an easy way for me to open my cans.

But let’s talk.

If you had bigger kitchens, you could actually fit your refrigerator INSIDE the kitchen instead of in the living room where you have it now.

Then, possibly, the manufacturers could make bigger refrigerators that would hold SO MUCH FOOD that you wouldn’t have to go out to buy groceries every single day of your lives. Then you could actually have lives.

And there are these cool things called “automatic dishwashers.” (As if any Chinese person who sat in the dark all winter to save electricity would dare use an extra kilowatt of electricity. They grow their bank accounts by sitting in the dark.) Well anyway, I want a dishwasher. But there is no room in the kitchen to put one.

And yes, yes, I know I am the only one of about five people in the country who washes her dishes in hot water, but still, could you have possibly left a little more room under the sink so I could fit a bigger hot water heater underneath?

Face it, your population is a lot taller than it used to be. You are as tall or taller than Americans now. So why do you insist on having kitchens counters that are 5-6 inches shorter than the ones in America? I’m only 5’2” tall and I have to scrunch down to do kitchen work on the counter. For the sake of posture, get taller counters!

You need space to turn around, space to store dishes, space to store food.

And while we’re talking space, can I just digress a moment to say there ought to be somewhere else I can hook up my washing machine besides in the bathroom.

Well, it’s your country and you can do what you want. But please think about it, k?