It looks vaguely familiar

Why is it that Chinese restaurants in America, run by Chinese people, serve food that tastes absolutely NOTHING like Chinese restaurant food in China? It is a mystery, a travesty, a shame. Chinese food in China is awesomely delicious. In America it tastes like cardboard.

This is not just my opinion, but every American I know who has ever spent a considerable chunk of time in China will tell you the exact same thing. It is not just one restaurant in America that fails the flavor test, they ALL do, regardless of what city or state it is in. It's as if these Chinese people moved to America to open restaurants and were told that Americans won't eat the real thing were they to cook it. So they are handed a recipe book of tasteless concoctions that resemble Chinese food (by sight) and are told to make the substitute recipes instead. That's what I imagine happens anyway. I don't know what really happens. 

See the above meal? Well, the spring rolls were pretty good, but then again I've never seen a spring roll in China, so I'm not sure where the whole concept of spring rolls comes from. There are no fortune cookies in China either. Or metal utensils.

The rice was bad. The "kung pao chicken" was bad. Even I, a so-so cook, can make tasty versions of both of those in my own kitchen, so why is it that these restaurants can't master the skill?

And look at those pretty British-style dishes. They don't use those in China either. You'll never see a tea cup in a real Chinese restaurant with a handle on it. You'll never see a big plate either.

Yeah, yeah, I'm being picky. But that's because this is a REVIEW! And I'm giving a major thumb's down.

But I do thank God that even though my taste buds were not impressed, I had food to fill my stomach that day, and good company at the restaurant with me. 

When in America, I recommend that you stick to hamburgers joints. When you want good Chinese food, get on an airplane.

The restaurant being reviewed is not named in order to save the restaurant embarrassment. Some "reviewer" I am, huh?