Me in the Twilight Zone

I've been back in the USA for a full week now. Here's a summary of the past week.

My well-thought-out attack plan for conquering jet lag "once and for all" within a short time frame failed once again. I really hate jet lag. The only time I remember overcoming it quickly was the time I was was in my 20s, coming from Australia to Texas, with a few days stopover in Hawaii.  Hawaii was the cure. Maybe I should try that again. Ya know, IF ONLY Hawaii was in any modern flight plan between the Middle Kingdom and Texas. And, sadly, it is not.

After staying with my parents for three nights, I have settled into another beautifully furnished beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood. The house has been lent to me for these two months, free of charge. The lenders are kindly paying my utility bills even! I will post photos sometime. It is a real blessing to be given the privilege of staying here. And even though I'd better not tell you on this blog who the kind lenders are, I am very thankful to them.

The house has a burglar alarm. (I have a burglar alarm in the Middle Kingdom too, one that barks ferociously. The burglar alarm in Texas doesn't seem to take orders from me quite as well.) I have set off the alarm twice, and I don't know how. The first time, it woke the neighborhood on their 4th of July sleep-late holiday. I still use it, but not without a bit of anxiety. I'm afraid to touch the windows or doors while it is armed.

The first time I set it off, the thought of a burglar intrusion DID NOT EVEN ENTER MY MIND. Not until the alarm company called me and told me to do a walk around of the property to check for intrusion, anyway. I just assumed it was a mistake on my part.

Two days ago I heard fire trucks screaming through the neighborhood, getting louder and louder. I was seriously scared, wondering what I had done to trigger their approach. I was absolutely sure it was me again, pushing some wrong button. Fortunately, the trucks ended up somewhere else. (Huge sigh of relief.)

The same people who lent me the house lent me a van! I am driving all around, enjoying the city!

America is freaking me out a little though. I mean, where else in the world can you find bottles of MOUTHWASH that are the same size as bottles of liquid LAUNDRY DETERGENT? I thought I was in the wrong aisle at the store. And I was really looking forward to finding some vanilla Listerine mouthwash, which apparently is no longer for sale. Bummer.

Someday when I have time to kill, I might go to Wal-Mart or Target and count the number of different fragrances of deodorant/anti-perspirant that you can choose from in America. Good grief! A person could have a reverse culture shock meltdown just by viewing the deodorant choices!

I was at the grocery store yesterday and the bagger asked me if I wanted paper or plastic. I am in jet lag people! Don't make me have to think! In the Middle Kingdom, we take our own reusable bags as an environmental measure. Decision-making is not required.

I must say though, that I have appreciated that no one in America has even once rammed their grocery cart into my backside. I mean, you get within ten feet of someone else's cart and they say "excuse me." What? I stare at them like they are nuts. Have I invaded their cart's personal space by being within 10 feet? I'm not sure. 

And then there's the whole "buss your own trays" thing that makes me look like a loser. At fast-food restaurants in the Middle Kingdom, clearing tables provides a livelihood for some worker, and it would be rude to take your own tray and deprive that person of his/her livelihood (seriously). But in America, if you leave your tray on the table, you are are a lazy arrogant sloth. I keep forgetting where I am. Am I paranoid or are my fellow Americans looking at me like I just came from another planet?

I'll be okay. I just have to figure this place out again.

I'm going on a weeklong trip tomorrow. I may or may not have time to blog during the coming week. But I'll be back soon with more, so please keep checking back!