Umbrella Culture
Yesterday I was riding my motorbike when drops of rain fell on my head. I looked up in the sky above me, and lo and behold, there was not a cloud anywhere nearby.
This brings me to a discussion of
Three Important Uses of Umbrellas in the Summer in China
Umbrella Use No. 1 - Block the sun from your face. Hats mess up your hair, so umbrellas are more appropriate for fashionistas (the guy pictured above, for instance?). Fair skin is valued, tanned skin is intolerable.
Umbrella Use No. 2 - Block rain from falling on your body. You knew this one already, I hope.
Umbrella Use No. 3 - Block dripping air-conditioners from dripping water on you as you walk by. I know, in America (or Australia if any of you are reading this blog), you almost never walk anywhere, and if you walk, you never walk so close to a building that you would know that air-conditioners drip water. They do.
Technically, there are other uses for umbrellas. For instance, when someone spits into the wind, it would be handy to have an umbrella blocking the droplets from hitting you. Of course, it never happens that you have an umbrella locked and loaded when this happens. Fortunately, this does not happen too often. If you make a lot of noise when someone hawks, they are usually polite enough to look before spitting. Yeah, I know, totally gross, but real.
Umbrella Pet Peeve
People who approach you on sidewalks with their umbrellas at your eye level are often rude and poke your eyes out, or pull your hair out of its ponytail. There is not much you can do about these people except growl after it happens, hoping that by hearing your growl they will learn their lesson and be more careful the next time. Of course, there are 1.3 billion people walking around, and you are not likely to ever again walk past the particular person you have trained by your growl. You can only hope your training will benefit someone else, preventing them from undue eye or hairdo loss.
Courting Advice
Dear guy in the above photo,
If you want that girl to look at you and take you seriously, you really need to get a more masculine looking umbrella. At the very least, put it over her head instead of yours.
You're welcome.
